History...

Always repeats itself...

But somehow I keep preventing ways to stop it from it's constant repetition.

Am I holding on because of what we had, or am I doing it because we had something? That something which is completely absent, and has been for awhile now.

But the void is filled.

So what is keeping me from cutting the ties?

I honestly don't know. Maybe it's because we live across the street from each other. But we are worlds apart. And I mean worlds. We can barely relate to each other anymore.

What do I do when that person and I basically shared the same brain?

Yeah, so what I changed, you changed too...and for the worst...

But now you're alone and I'm supposed to feel bad? When you dumped ME in the gutter like a little sewage cat? Yeah..okay.

Okay now I'm done venting...I just don't see the point in always preventing the change that so inevitably needs to come with us. I will never understand why I do...But maybe it's time I step up and make the change myself.

Maybe for once, history won't repeat itself, and I will no longer be the smelly sewage cat.

But, I guess for now, my only option is to give into some of the repetition. I'll always live in the past, I'll forever be comfortable with hand-me-downs, I'll bang my hands on the steering wheel while listening to my music, I'll spend every waking minute with the one person who makes me feel whole, I'll constantly be engrossed by random, weird, and awkward moments, I'll still listen to church music. And I can still handle coming home alone on a saturday night, and falling asleep in an empty rental house, and I can deal with my "family" issues.

But I won't fall for the thing that tricked me so much in the past.