Dead Things

there's bitterness in my bloodstream...been holding on to dead things.

Recently this phrase has resounded in my head on more than one occasion. As I was driving down the street listening to one of my favorite albums, Life Will Write The Words by The Rocket Summer, this line from the song "Not Right" stood out to me and has been stuck in my head ever since.

And then I reflected on my own life and how often I let "dead things" make everything in my life bitter.

too often

With time, everything dies. Relationships end, people change, and the things we create eventually disappear. Too many times in my life I have put so much effort into building a long-lasting friendship only to see it crash and burn right before my eyes...and that's normal. It's one thing about life that is to be expected.

relationships end.
people change.
things die.

Unfortunately, one of the sad truths about life is that all of this is true. But an even sadder thing about life is letting dead things bring bitterness to our bloodstreams. But one of the most liberating feelings is letting go of the dead things that so often lead us to a place of bitterness. I'm learning, day by day, to let go of the things that are only meant to bring me down.

On one particularly hard day in September of 2013 I remember sitting on the side of the road beneath the hot sun with the phone glued to my ear. The sound of my sobbing and sighs from the other line were all that could be heard as I tried to grasp the concept that a relationship that I had worked so hard to construct was coming crashing down right on top of me. I found it hard to entertain the thought that this person who was once so near and dear to me would soon become a stranger -- and a stranger he has become. I managed to regain my composure and step inside the house where my friends and I had been staying. As I went to fill up a cup with water I noticed two magnets stuck to the fridge with words on them. They were the type of magnets that come with a lot of different words and you can form certain sentences on the fridge. There were no other magnets of this type on the fridge, just these two, placed in a particular order that caught my eye. They read:

we g r o w

Those words hit me hard and made me think about the change that was about to happen in my life.

Not sometimes, but all the time in life people grow. We grow up, we grow out, and we grow apart. It's a natural part of life and holding onto something that needs to grow will only tear you down and fill you with bitterness. I realized that for the majority of my life I tried so hard to hold on to situations or people that have already grown. I tried so desperately to hold on to them as I remembered them and not as they needed to be or as they really were. I literally was holding onto dead things.

I have always blamed the loss or changing of friendships on myself. I constantly told myself that if I had done something different or if I had changed or rephrased the way I said something, this person would still be around. I told myself that I was the common thread through all of this, I was the reason that people walked in and out of my life at a frightening rate. I have never been so wrong, and these thoughts couldn't have been more damaging to me. The new relationships I formed with people were fake and fragile. They seemed superficial and hardly real. I found it hard to maintain any relationship, telling myself that only with time would it disappear.

I have been able to see a miraculous difference in my life and relationships as I work towards letting go of things intended to drag me down. As I make a conscious effort to let go of the dead things in my life, I can see things working out and situations getting better. I can look forward with hope and confidence that new people will come into my life to teach me new things that I would have never known before. As I constantly strive to let go of the dead things that I always hold onto, I can feel the bitterness leaving me and I can feel at peace.

Sometimes these people leave a lasting effect, for good or for bad but they always tend to leave you with something and that something is intended for our own growth. It's intended for us to use in future situations, to be a blessing in the life of someone else, to change someone's point of view and to brighten up a segment of their life and then grow, and move on.

For those that have chosen to step out of my life, I appreciate all you did to teach me and help me grow, but know, that I no longer will be holding onto those dead things.

For those intended to stick it out and hang around, I am constantly thanking my Heavenly Father for people like you and I can only hope and pray that this crazy adventure called life will continue with you all by my side...