So...I know its already the 6th of January, but I had to do a 2012 post sometime, and school officially starts tomorrow, so I have decided that writing on here wouldn't be much of an option once the semester starts.
2012 was an interesting year. It was by far the hardest year of my life. I experienced some of the most excruciating pain of my life, but also some of the most amazing moments of joy.
In this crazy year, I began the last stretch of my full-time mission in Costa Rica. I was in an area called Pavas...oh the adventures I had there. I experienced my first robbing, first 3 shootings, I made homemade bread, met people that saved my life, got scared to death, met a witch, fought demons, and lived in a small space between two houses. But I wouldn't trade any of that for anything that life has to offer.
On January 24 my grandpa passed away. It was a hard thing to cope with, especially just starting the new year, and exactly one week after his birthday. I had a hard time trying to console my broken family from 3,000 miles away, and I guess that's something I still carry with me. I know I was expected to be the strong one but found it hard to do so while battling my own demons in a foreign country. Somehow, we all managed to get through. It was the hardest experience ever, losing someone you love and not getting to say goodbye, but it was one of the most memorable and cherished moments of my mission. It was an opportunity to really experiment with the atonement of Jesus Christ and to ponder in my heart what it really meant for me. I loved the time I got to spend on my knees begging for strength for another day and watching the Lord's hands lift me up day by day. That is why Pavas holds such a special place in my heart. It was my Gethsemane stomping grounds.
In March, the love of my life entered the mission field. She went to Missouri and is tearing it up out there. Even from 3,000 miles away it created a hole inside of me to know that the girl I fell in love with would not be home to greet me in the months to come. REGARDLESS! I support her all the way and know that she is EXACTLY where the Lord needs her.
I said goodbye to one amazing mission President and his family while welcoming in another amazing man INSPIRED of God to lead the greatest work on this earth, in the most beautiful of places, mi linda tierra COSTA RICA! My life is forever changed because of these two amazing men and my testimony has been strengthened because of their faith and the faith of their families.
I got accepted to BYU after the largest inner debate of my life. The life I lived in CV haunted me enough in CR that I knew I had to get out. I made the decision and applied, putting everything in the Lord's hands, trusting that he would take care. I got in...still feeling like I don't quite belong, but I know that I have a purpose here, and I know that I needed to escape from the things happening at "home".
Another tragedy struck the family, one I was unaware of until I came home, but it happened nonetheless. The good thing about my amazing family, is that nothing can tear us apart. It only made us stronger, with more insight into the imperfections of men. We are all imperfect, but we are family, and if your family turns you down, what do you have to live for? I love my family and am so grateful for their existence, they are what keeps me going each day.
In 2012 I also experienced one of the saddest days of my life, the 25th of October. The day I finished my mission in Costa Rica. It was a bittersweet day, but mostly bitter. I was excited to get home and see my family, but the realization that I was no longer a missionary was more for me to handle. My family met me at the airport and we rejoiced, but deep down I knew what was waiting for me back in Logan. I had waited 2 long years for that nice view of the valley as you leave Sardine Canyon, its always a view I loved after coming home from a trip or something. But I remember pulling around and seeing the place I call home and I felt a burden unbelievably strong fall on my shoulders. I was tempted to throw the car into reverse and head back on a plane to CR...It was not expected, and the feelings I got next weren't either. We made our way to the church and I sat with my newly called Stake President. I looked him in the eyes, confident with the belief that I could be strong through all this. He asked me a simple question "Can you tell me about your mission?"...I lost it. Of course I can tell you about the greatest 24 months, 2 years, and 730 days of my life. Yes I can tell you where I experienced most sorrow and most joy in one meeting. Surely, I can put into the words the relationship I gained with the Savior, the love that grew for the country, the language, the food and the opportunity to spread the gospel. Nope..I couldn't, I could not get through my tears enough to explain this journey that had COMPLETELY changed me for the better.
The hardest part about coming home was coming to grips that people change. I saw my friends from high school and the roads and paths they had taken, although I am more than supportive of the lives they want to live, it makes me sad knowing the things I know and seeing the things I've seen. I've come to accept the things I cannot change, and I have come to embrace them in their difference, but never leave them out from my prayers.
I didn't know that coming home would also mean being a mentor...that was something I never thought I would be cut out to do, but little did I know that the Lord prepared me from day one of my mission, for the time that I would come home. I spent a lot of time home with a kid who changed my life. He means the world to me and has become my best friend. I have learned that I am grateful for trials in our lives. And I know that trials fit us like shoes, they are ours and no one else's. I know that my friend can get through his trials, I know he will make it through, and I see such great potential in him and look forward to seeing the change made in him in the next coming years.
I had a mission reunion with a man that changed my life forever. I saw some of my lifelong friends, many of which I walked side by side with on the streets of Costa Rica. We experienced the best of the best and the worst of the worst together, all while being guided by a true man of God.
Life was spent getting ready for school, preparing for the first holiday season with the family after 3 years, and ringing in the new year with all it's new changes. It wasn't quite the end of the year that I expected but it happened and I can't take it back.
2012 was the craziest year of my entire life. I have pondered the reason for it's existence and I still am found answerless...maybe I will never know the reason behind all the "suffering" as we see it. But I know that one day the answers will be so clear, and we will laugh and think "how did we miss that??"
I loved 2012 in all of its imperfections...I will forever remember the mark it left on my life, and the lessons I have learned. I will always remember the experiences I had, and the relationships that were gained. I look forward with faith to more experiences ahead in 2013...it should be an interesting year. I don't know what it has in store for me, but I know that if I put the Lord first in everything I do in my life, he will tell me what comes second.
Bienvenido 2013...
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