Life Will Write the Words

It's incredible that I thought coming home from the mission I would have all the answers. I never came home believing myself to be bigger than I really was, but you gain a sense of understanding in the mission like you've never had before. I thought I knew a lot more than the past 5 months have taught me. I have found that the Lord continues to teach me even to this day.

As a missionary you only get a tiny glimpse of what life is really like and what it has potential to become. You spend hours on end studying the basics of the gospel and you return feeling like a spiritual giant with all the knowledge of the restored gospel that you practically consider yourself a religious scholar.

Since day one of having been home my eyes have been opened wider and wider, and my mind has been expanded and opened in ways I never thought possible before.

Too many times I read that Mormons are "closed-minded" and that BYU students are just Mormons but worse. But as I approach the end of my first semester as a student at Brigham Young University I am F L O O R E D at the things that I've learned and the way that I have grown.

My first semester at BYU has been a trying one without a doubt, but it has lifted me to new heights that I never thought possible.

My testimony has been tried and tested.
I have had some of the most intellectual conversations of my entire life.
I have gained new understanding about the concept of love, hate, spirituality, opinion, agency, fear and most importantly my Heavenly Father.

Love exists. I know this because I have seen it. I believe that love exists no matter who you are, and it's totally capable for everyone to love and be loved. I'm 100% positive that love is not to be withheld from anyone, but I believe that love, unbridled, untamed and for selfish purposes, is incredibly dangerous. I believe that love is powerful, and that it is the answer to any problem that we may face. I have learned that distance can truly make the heart grow fonder, that love can exist through letters and that love can be expressed in many different ways. I believe that those you love should know you love them every single day, I believe that not only should they know it, but they should feel it. My mother, an amazingly wise, and beautiful human being has instilled in me the concept of loving everyone, and never failing to tell those you really love how you feel about them. That piece of knowledge has changed me as a human being and has shaped me into who I am today. In the mission you develop an incredible capacity to love and to show your love, and I have only felt that capacity grow and flourish since I have been home.

I believe that hate exists even in the presence of love. I believe there is too much hate in this world. Hate is real, and if it is left untamed, and unbridled, literally, all hell begins to break lose. I believe that we can conquer hate when we yearn for understanding and we strive to be compassionate to all people of different walks of life. Everyone is fighting a battle that we haven't the slightest clue of.

Spirituality: I believe that compassion can drive away hate, but that compassion does not mean compromising conviction. I always told my companions in the mission when we had disagreements that my biggest priority was making sure that I was doing what the Lord wanted, and nobody else. That stands true in my life. If my opinion offends you, sorry I'm not sorry, but I feel it is what God has taught me, I feel it is what He expects of me. In my life, I believe that no matter what I do, I sure as heck better make sure the Lord is on board, because if He is not, then I will A L W A Y S be wrong. Sometimes, my desires, wants, and passions strive to tell me otherwise, but I have yet to fail, I have yet to be wrong when on the Lord's side. I believe that spirituality doesn't make you bigoted, it doesn't make you believe you are better than anyone else, but I believe that spirituality makes you who you are, and your level of spirituality determines your state of eternal happiness when all is said and done. I believe that spirituality gives you something to fight for, something worth fighting for, and something that when fought for, won't disappear with the passing days.



I've learned to protect and share my opinion. My opinion goes hand in hand with my spirituality, it is what gives me my opinion, and therefore it can be a problem for people. But I've learned that no matter how controversial your opinion may be, it should always be shared. Your opinion in this world is your voice, and expression of your voice leads to understanding. I have learned that the world could use a bit more understanding, and by a bit, I mean a lot. If we had no opinion we would have no belief or dream to fight for. I stand firmly by my beliefs as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I will never back down from that. I have seen and felt things that the very denial of them would bring upon me everlasting sadness and grief. I believe what I believe, and I know what I know, and just because my opinion doesn't match yours doesn't mean I will sit back quietly, shut my mouth and not express what I believe.

"My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear."

I've understood more in depth the purpose of agency. I believe that we are each equipped with our own ability to choose and nothing can take away our ability to choose to live and guide our lives. But I stand firmly by the belief that although our agency is for us to run our lives, we cannot escape the consequences of bad choices of our agency. We are free to choose, and because of that freedom, we are all susceptible to the consequences of our bad use of the agency that was given to us. None are exempt and all must accept the price as it has been paid for them or face the consequences.

I better understand what fear is. Sometimes our fear gets the best of us. The fear of doing something great, the fear of changing the world, the fear of making a difference. But the fear that screams so loud and is often heard louder than faith is debilitating, crippling. For some the fear may not be inadequacy, but rather failure. The idea of failure, of letting someone else or yourself down is a horrible thought. For some, fear may not even mean inadequacy or failure, it may be showing the real world who you really are. Whatever it may be, the fear inside of us will eat us alive if we don't learn to overcome it. I have overcome a whole list of fears as well as created a list of entirely new ones. But I believe that life is about overcoming obstacles that we ourselves place in front of us because of our fears. But when all is said and done, I believe that he who overcomes the fears that so easily beset us will be the true winner, and will have great reason to rejoice.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

More than anything I have learned and gained greater respect for my Heavenly Father. In my mission I strengthened the relationship I had with God like I never have before, and since then our relationship has hit some bumpy parts, but it is growing with each and every day. I know that God is my literal Father in Heaven. I believe that He sent me here, knowing that my imperfections would bring upon me sadness and grief like I have never known before. I believe that His sending me here has a greater purpose than I will ever understand, but one that I am understanding more and more as the days pass by. I believe that HE is willing to bless me and make my life easier, but I strongly believe that He will put obstacles in our paths as a way to test our endurance and faith on His name. I am thankful for the opportunity to be so imperfect, and to have the potential to be so perfect one day. I am thankful that He loves me enough to look deep into my soul to find things that need to be fine tuned. I am thankful for the obstacles I have overcome, and for those that I am currently overcoming, and I am thankful for the obstacles that will be on my path later on in life.

I heard a quote once that I really loved regarding the change that we can make, "Don't you know a leopard doesn't change his spots? Well you should know that I work with men and they change everyday." I have understood that change is possible, with more love, less hate, a heightened sense of spirituality, better use of our agency, overcoming our fears and a greater understanding of our Heavenly Father, change is possible.

It's funny to think that I have learned all this and more while attending BYU. I guess those who think BYU students are closed minded should rethink their statement because I have learned more about myself, the world and about life than I would have at any other institution. I truly believe that. I believe that the race of life isn't so much about winning, but about finishing, and finishing knowing that you have done your best. I believe the best that we can give in this race makes us all winners.

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes. I struggle to find any truth in your lies, and now my heart stumbles on things I don't know. My weakness I feel I must finally show. In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life. In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die, and where you invest your love, you invest your life.